Acronyms: Jersey Shore Edition

I'm just going to get this out of the way: I watch Jersey Shore. Not only do I watch it, but I'm mildly addicted to it. Although not as much as Hubby is. His love for JS is rather inexplicable given his usual distaste for reality show television, although I can hazard a guess why he might be so interested. Actually, make that 2 guesses:

True, JWOWW's girls may defy gravity, but one of my favorite parts of the show is the creative use of acronyms. In case you haven't noticed on this blog, I'm a fan of acronyms, the sillier the better. There was a point in my life where email chains between my best friend and I read like some kind of UNIX code. And Jersey Shore is like an acronym buffet. From the IFF (I'm F&%$ Foundation) to MVP (Mike, Vinnie & Pauly), and of course the quintessential GTL. For those of you non-JS watchers, this stands for Gym, Tanning & Laundry: and apparently it's standard protocol that any self-proclaimed Guido must adhere to before heading out for a night of fist-pumping.

It made me think about those routines we writers have, the processes we go through before we finally get our butt in the chair and actually write. Shameful confession #2 of this blog post: I am the Queen of Procrastination, and there's a few things I simply must do before I feel ready to face that ever-looming Word document. So I thought I'd come up with an acronym for it, Jersey Shore-style.

SCUMP.

Snack: It doesn't matter if I had a 5-course meal 30 minutes ago. Once I sit down at the computer, all I can think about is how long I have to wait before breaking out the popcorn.

Clean: I hate cleaning. HATE it. Yet when the time to write rolls around, I suddenly turn into Mary Poppins.

Unpaid bills: I like to pay them online while fantasizing about a 6-figure advance and the day our electric bill won't scare the crap out of me.

Mail: Without fail there will be a week's worth of mail taunting me on the counter, and somehow I'll get sucked into catching up on issues of OK magazine that mysteriously started appearing in my mailbox 2 months ago. I don't even like OK magazine. The stories are so far-fetched I can't even bring myself to buy into the rumors. Yet I feel compelled to page through them before tossing them into the recycle bin.

Playing with my dog: Okay this is legitimate, I swear. She requires lots of attention. She's actually jealous of the laptop. I'm surprised she hasn't tried to pee on it yet.

So yeah, it's a wonder that between the Day Job, this blog, and all my SCUMPing I get any writing done. Speaking of, I guess I'll go get cracking on that. After I cook dinner...